Confessions about life right now…

I know I’ve been neglecting my little corner of the blogosphere for quite some time now. It’s partially due to an explosion of work craziness, but my pure denial is also to blame. I was going strong (or so I thought) on my return to running about a month or so ago. I was finally able to lace up, cross a few finish lines and score some sweet new PR’s. It was such a good feeling to get back to not only doing what I love, with people that I love, but also to get a little closer to feeling like myself again.

I know that may sound a bit dramatic, but I don’t feel quite like myself when I’m not running. It’s amazing how quickly running and I fell in love with each other and how big of a part of my life it has become. I didn’t really realize it until it was gone. Actually, that’s a lie, I totally knew, but I wasn’t sure how much I was going to miss it until it was taken away from me.

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For those of you who don’t know, I got into a car accident last December and things haven’t been quite the same since then. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but hear me out here for a minute. I’m still in and out of doctors’ offices constantly trying to figure out the road back to normal in their opinion. Everyone thinks they have the magic solution and things may start looking up for awhile but nothing has quite solved the problem just yet.  I’m still dealing with a lot of symptoms, including headaches, back/shoulder/knee/hip pain, and honestly, I’m sick of it and it’s started to take a toll on me.

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My short lived return to running came to an abrupt end when I my physiatrist appointment that I had been waiting for months for finally came. In case you’re unfamiliar, a physiatrist is a rehabilitation doctor that basically treats your body as a whole by examining your symptoms and creating a treatment roadmap to get the patient back to enjoying life as pain free as possible.

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To make a long story short, my physiatrist told me I had no business running as of now, needed to limit my activity to biking, elliptical, walking, swimming and yoga for short durations (think 20 minutes a day) and that I needed to go start doing deep tissue massage once a week. He also said that I need to start a second round of physical therapy to treat what he thinks is torn cartridge in my right hip to see if it can be fixed without surgery and if all works out well, I could possibly get back to running by next spring. WHAT?!?!

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It took everything I had to not cry right there in the doctors’ office and when I left, I immediately went to the grocery store and purchased a pint of cookie dough ice cream, brownies and magic shell ice cream topping as my comfort food. Ever since that day, I haven’t had the best attitude towards things. My eating habits have went down hill big time and I’ve not really wanted to exercise since 20 minutes of anything didn’t seem worth changing clothes and lacing up for.

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After a couple weeks of living a yolo lifestyle towards diet and exercise, things have started to catch up to me. I feel disgusting from all the junk food I’ve been eating, haven’t been coping with life stress very well without exercise as my outlet and my tight clothes have definitely made it known that I’ve put on a pound or two during my rebellion.

Now I’m not saying all of this to get anyone to feel bad for me. This is something I’ve been struggling with for awhile now and I felt like it was the right time to come clean about the good, the bad and the ugly that has been going on to get it off my chest so I can have a fresh start. I also think it’s important to not only talk about your successes, but your failures too so that others in a similar position don’t feel like their in it alone.

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No one is perfect, I’m certainly not, but I did make a decision last night to lace up and head to the gym for my doctor prescribed 20 minutes on the elliptical followed by a quick yoga session. I think I may have finally accepted where I’m at and made the decision to accept the doctors’ orders and not push the limits. As distance runners, we’re used to fighting through pain, pushing our bodies and testing the limits but sometimes we need to know when to hold back too.

It may not seem like much, but I’m very proud of my gym session last night even though it was nothing in comparison to what I would normally consider to be a kudos worthy workout. I got my butt off of the couch at 9:45pm, threw the brownies in the trash, laced up and took the first step towards making better decisions and if that’s not kudos worthy, I’m not sure what is.

Questions of the Day:

Have you ever struggled with coming back from a injury?

What’s one tip you use to make getting your workouts in easier on yourself?

We are all our own worst critics; how do you deal with negative self-talk?

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18 thoughts on “Confessions about life right now…

  1. I’m so sorry. I have had a back injury and have put aside the running but keep pushing the working out and keep re injuring it and prolong my healing because I’m just not happy when I don’t work out and when I say I’m going to take it easy I just can’t. Some people don’t get it and think I’m crazy and that it is just a matter of me not wanting to change my life and I don’t like the 5-10lb of fluff I’ve added over 9 months… that is not it at all it is mental. I’m hoping you are able to run and get back to your happy place soon.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words! I can totally relate to your story! Changing your way of life when it comes to injury prevention is the hardest part when it’s such a huge part of your left before. I hope you’re feeling better!

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  2. Coming back from an injury is never fun – I’m sorry that it has been so tough! Once you get back out there I have a sneaky suspicion you will just absolutely crush it! Hope you have a fabulous weekend!!

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  3. Oh I’ve been there. It’s so frustrating when you think you’re making progress and a wrench gets thrown in the works. It’s not easy, but focus on what you can do and follow your doctor’s orders.

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  4. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still having to deal with a lot of symptoms! :[! I really hope you recover soon, and will be sending a whole ton of good thoughts your way! ❤ When I effed up my neck and back, I was not a fun person to be around either, and I'm with you on not feeling like myself when I can't exercise. I did eventually come around, and adopted a sort of "what you can, when you can" philosophy that became all too necessary when I started medical school. I still have issues with negative self-talk, but knowing that it's an issue is the first step! I give myself pep talks to snap myself out of em'!

    P.S. This is not related to your post at all, but I'm applying to Multicare (in Puyallup) for residency!!

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    • Thanks so much lady! I appreciate it! It’s really hard to adopt a “what and when” philosophy without getting down on yourself but I guess it’s necessary to get back to where we want to be. I can definitely relate with you though because sometimes I’m not fun to be around either!

      As for Multicare, that’s AWESOME!!!! Fingers crossed for you! How many others have you applied for?

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  5. I really sympathize with your situation. I also had a terrible car accident years ago when I was running a lot. Afterwards, I was in physical therapy but it never quite solved the out-of-nowhere sharp, shooting pains I would randomly get, or the neck and back pain. It took several doctors to figure out the best path. But, eventually it happened. The same will happen for you, I’m sure. I think you were mourning not being able to run, which is totally fine. You are allowed to mourn. But, it’s great you went and did the elliptical and threw away the brownies. You’ll get back to normal; it’ll just take time.

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    • Thanks so much! It’s really comforting to know that you’ve been through the same thing and made it to the other side. It’s insanely frustrating to go from doctor to doctor and they all give you false hope that they can make you better. I hope that this time finally sticks. Thanks for all of your kind words!

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  6. I am so sorry! I know how you feel a little as I have been battling to come back from a work injury for almost 3 years now and the setbacks keep coming:(
    I hope you don’t have torn cartlidge in your hip. I tore the cartlidge in my knee years back, but at the time they decided surgery would just destroy all the cartlidge (possibly) and they told me to build up the muscles around it. It does work, but every once in a while the torn part gets caught under my knee cap and ouchy! Hip might be a totally different story, I hope you don’t have to have surgery, but if that is what it will take to fix it then maybe it’s the best thing. Running by spring is better than no running at all!
    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you
    (FYI I totally go for the sweets too when I get new bad news, yikes I am a Pepsi drinker and lets just say on bad news days it’s a 2 or 3 Pepsi day for sure, sadly:(

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  7. Threw away the brownies and went to the gym!! How inspiring is that?!?! I’m glad to hear you are back at the gym, even if it feels like it isn’t worth it. Sounds like you’ve missed it and are glad to be back in a routine of sorts. So sorry you are struggling with this injury:/ Thoughts toward a healthy (faster) recovery:)

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  8. Way to get to the gym, my friend. I know set backs due to injury can be SO HARD!! Hang in there and try to view this as an opportunity to try out other types of fitness you maybe wouldn’t normally consider if you were able to run.

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  9. Sorry to hear that you are having some problems. I hope you can get back to your old self as soon as possible~~ It’s good that your injuries/condition do not prevent you from physical activity entirely… That is REALLY brutal on people when they basically can’t do anything. I’ve had some back pain lately and it can be pretty distracting and tiring so I know the feel of skeletal problems. I want to answer your questions but I’m fading here and have to get up early. Kudos on what you’ve been doing to get “back in the saddle!”

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