I know it looks like it’s all been fun and games over here in my world, but I’ll be the first to tell you, life isn’t always as it seems. Life has been throwing me some shit lately that I just really haven’t had the time, nor the energy to deal with. Not anything big, just things like rejection letters from things I really wanted, missing the bus because I temporary “lost” my dog, running out of clean workout clothes (AGAIN) and not realizing it until the last minute, etc. I know you can all relate to this. Take those small things and add them on top of the fact that I have been stressed to the max, unable to relax and unwind and running a mile a minute for some reason and that kind of sums up my week. Needless to say I’m a little on edge and feeling like my life is lacking balance right now.
I feel like I’m being pulled in a million difference directions and I haven’t really had the time to take care of myself this week because of it. I feel like there’s always more that I could be doing to be a better friend, family member, community member, athlete or blogger. The to-do list seems never ending. I guess this is part of my type-a-people-pleasing-need-to-be-perfect personality rearing it’s ugly head.
I know that finding balance and dealing with stress has always been something that I have struggled with in life. I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person and that’s something I need to work on to be a better me. So I looked back at my list of things I want to work on to be a better me that I posted earlier today and realized I wrote all of those things down on my list for a reason. They are all something that serve a purpose in my life and will help me find the balance, confidence and clarity in life that I need.
When I looked over my list, two of my goals stuck out to me. The first one was “I will love others, but I will always love myself more.” This doesn’t mean that I am going to turn into a person that only cares about myself. That’s not who I’ve ever been, and not who I plan to ever become, but more that I will listen to what my body is telling me I need at any given time and give that the top priority. I need to take care of myself and make sure I am in a good space before I can be good for anyone else. I need to learn to take a step back from what is expected of me in life and pay attention to what I need to have in my life first. I realize this may mean making some unpopular decisions and rifling a few feathers along the way but it is what I need to do for me right now. When it comes down to it, the people who matter will still be there no matter what and will understand.
The last goal that stuck out to me was “Just breathe. You’re going to be okay.” This is something I’ve been telling myself a lot lately but have been having a hard time actually believing what I am telling myself because I’ve been moving too fast to listen.
Because of that, I’m deeming tonight “me” night. I’m going to go to spin class and spend the evening catching up on the season finale of Big Brother and reading a book I got a week ago that I NEED to read. I hope all of you find some time to take care of you tonight, too.